Not Today, Scanxiety!

A funny thing happened today: I remembered I have my next MRI in just 4 short days.

I remembered, meaning, I had forgotten about it. WHAT?!

This time, 3 months ago, the week leading up to my first, post diagnosis MRI had me riddled with nerves. I was starting to have bad dreams, I was worried about what the results would read, I was anxious about being in the tube again and I just kept thinking about fast forwarding right through that appointment so I could get my mind off it. This time, it’s different for me.

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OMG a baby sloth.

I. just. feel. so. good. I feel good in every sense of the word. My tumor pain has lessened even more then it did at my last visit, but more importantly I trust my body on a different level. With my last MRI I got the amazing, emotional results that I had shrunk my tumor a bit. Having validated my ability to heal myself with my last results, I can’t help but go into this appointment feeling wonderful. while I am not MRI machine myself, I really think I can feel that my tumor is smaller.

This morning I got dressed for work and my husband said “are you wearing a regular bra?” which is his terminology for bra with underwire. I had been forced to wear this god awful, granny looking bra for a bit now because my tumor happens to be right under my right breast where my underwire rests. He had gotten used to hearing me complain about how awful it looked with clothes. “YEAH! ACTUALLY, I AM!” I was able to say back.

Truth is ,I’ve been wearing a “regular bra” now for almost a month and I feel NO pain or discomfort. Almost like the part of my tumor that was once protruding too much to wear a bra with underwire is non existent. AND, not to brag, but I can finally wear sports bras again with no discomfort (there goes my excuse to not work out)!! I used to wear them just because I had to in order to get a good work out in but would remove them immediately because I couldn’t even stand to be in them longer than I had to be.

I am healing myself, you guys!

Now, now, I know. I won’t get ahead of myself or jinx myself and say I was able to shrink my tumor further BUT I am cautiously optimistic. This photo captures perfectly how excited I am for what I am feeling right now:IMG_8212.jpg

actual footage of me being excited about something. Not my progress but I’m easily excitable.

I just have so much faith in the power of my body to heal itself. I know I may sound completely crazy to some but what I am doing is working and I can feel it in my heart of hearts. I believe it in so wholly, that it’s all happening for me.

So, BRING IT ON LOUD, SMALL TUBE. You’re going to deliver me some really good results really soon. I just know it.

Scanxiety, it was nice knowing you but you’re not welcome here anymore.

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